Is it RBF or ATF? #TheStruggleIsReal

A million years ago when I was a television reporter, from time to time we got calls from viewers who said I had “scary eyes.” We also got calls from viewers who said the FBI was trying to read their thoughts. One woman claimed that God came into her body, and she’d had three babies. (Explaining that I refused to refer to her boyfriend as “God” did not go over well.) One woman was particularly concerned about calling the 10pm newscast “Nightside.” She thought it had some kind of demonic connotation.

But since these eye calls had my name associated with them, they were brought to my attention with the admonition, “so you should probably do something about that.”

Sure. I’ll do something about that. Since I had no actual clue what to do about my scary eyes, I’ve just gone on frightening people since.

Many years later, I diagnosed myself with Resting Bitch Face or RBF. This is a serious condition. Memes have been made about this, people. Celebrities, First Ladies, Queens (real and imaginary) and Presidential candidates have been diagnosed over the Internet. So you know it’s an epidemic.

Michelle Obama

Michelle Obama

Real Queen

Real Queen

Imaginary Princess

Imaginary Princess

Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton

Carly Fiorina Photographer: Andrew Harrer/Bloomberg via Getty Images

Carly Fiorina
Photographer: Andrew Harrer/Bloomberg via Getty Images

But now. I’m wondering if in my rush to explain why I am constantly asked if something is wrong, I might have made a bad call. People aren’t afraid of me because I have RBF. People are afraid because I have Aggressive Talking Face or ATF.

Just look at these photos.

I found this old gem from when I used to work for a Fortune 100 Company. I remember this event. I remember I was having a good time. This was a very enjoyable chat. I look high pissed.

I found this old gem from when I used to work for a Fortune 100 Company. I remember this event. I remember I was having a good time. This was a very enjoyable chat. I look high pissed.

Bill and I were having a fantastic chat about mutual friend who has been ill. It was kind and empathetic. I had such warm feelings in my heart. I appear to be chewing him out.

Bill and I were having a nice visit about mutual friend who has been ill. It was kind and empathetic. I had such warm feelings in my heart.
I appear to be berating him.

I was speaking to a group of women at the Junior League of Little Rock. Believe it or not, people were laughing at my jokes. But I look like I'm verbally assaulting them.

I was speaking to a group of women at the Junior League of Little Rock. Believe it or not, people were laughing at my jokes. But I look like I’m verbally assaulting them.

Maybe it’s RBF. Maybe it’s ATF. Could it be a co-morbidity? Surely there’s a celebrity that can throw a fundraiser for research to shed some light on this terrible condition. Or is it a syndrome? How can you tell the two apart?

This is enough for a person to take to her bed with worry. It would be like a quarantine. It might be the only way for the rest of you to be safe from my scary eyes and aggressive face.

Until I get a special ribbon color and month to wear it, when we speak, you’ll just have to take my word for it that I’m not mad at you. I’m usually in a perfectly fine mood. I just might not look like it.

The struggle is real.

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2 thoughts on “Is it RBF or ATF? #TheStruggleIsReal

  1. I have a similar condition to ATF, only for me it’s EAF: EXTREMELY ANIMATED face. This leads to many photos where I look severely deranged, but I’m just excited or enthusiastic, or being goofy.

  2. Funny thing, I can remember people asking me what was wrong a few times when, sometimes, I was just fine and in a chipper mood! Strange how these things go. Thankfully I was not on TV for people to complain! I guess you can’t always make a judgement on people from the outside.

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