Endings and Beginnings

Photo: Brian Andreas

Photo: Brian Andreas

In terms of real estate in my brain dedicated to obsessing on the subject, the most important thing that happened to me in 2014 is I lost 10 pounds. Yeah. I know. That’s sad.

It’s a paltry amount of weight to lose in terms of numbers. It’s also sad that I’m still this weight-obsessed. I was totally going to get over that. I put it on an Emotional To Do list and everything. It was just after “Stop judging judgmental people,” but before “Accept that matching bath towels aren’t really that important in life.” I still have work to do.

But I did get physically healthier this year, even if that one particular metric isn’t as good as I wanted it to be. That was the goal. I’ve worked out more consistently than I ever have. I also eat healthier than I ever have. And I’ll be damned if all this healthy living hasn’t improved my general well-being. So that’s been weird. My heart is still dark and sarcastic, but I’m told I’m slightly more pleasant to be around. Go figure.

It’s not surrendering to the Universe, he told me, if all you’re doing is sitting around waiting for it to turn out like you hope.
~Story People

In terms of unpleasant personal growth experiences, this year handed me a big one. I had to come to terms with the end of a long-term friendship. I misjudged a situation. Because of that, I hurt a friend. The fault is mine. I hoped things would turn out differently than they have. But they didn’t. And I’ve had to accept that.

Saints be praised, I do have some friends remaining, in spite of myself. They just keep showing up, even though I don’t deserve them. There are no words for what that means to me.

The biggest shock of 2014 was I got to wake up every day as part of my little family. No one on the planet would put up with me like these people. That’s partially because they’re legally obligated to me. But mostly, Charlie and Jackson are ridiculously awesome. Even on the days when I want to pack my bags and move to Mexico and never look back, they just laugh at me and remind me to stop taking it all so seriously.

There are things you do because they feel right & they may make no sense & they may make no money & it may be the real reason we are here: to love each other & to eat each other’s cooking & say it was good.
~Story People

There was other stuff this year. A lot of other stuff. Some of it was good. Some of it was fantastic. Some of it was awful. A lot of it was unexpected. And that’s what I’m pretty sure the next 365 days will be like, too.

Here’s to 2015. May it be all the things.

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One thought on “Endings and Beginnings

  1. My unsolicited opinion: you’re too hard on yourself, but I suppose we all are. You’ve been a good friend to those of us who swallowed their pride and asked for your help.

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