Fake Children, Fake Games, Real Crazy

The other day I was searching for an image for a totally legitimate work reason. Then I took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up on Pinterest. So there went an hour of my life.

Usually, when I’m on Pinterest, it’s in the evening. Most of what I see are funny quotes, beautiful clothes, party ideas or vacation dreams. In the middle of the morning, wow! Just wow!

On this particular day, one image was pinned no less than 20 times and kept showing up in my feed. The photo linked to a blog post about getting children “excited about Fall.” I pretty much fail to see why that is anyone’s goal. What fresh Hell are you people indulging now?

That is a toddler “raking leaves” in the living room. “Why?” a reasonable person might ask. “Why would anyone pretend to rake fake leaves as game?” The answer is quite simple: I HAVE NO IDEA!

Here’s how she describes the activity, you know, after the singing and poetry reading:

At this point you toss all the leaves in the air. The boys then raked up all the leaves (although they found it more efficient to pick them up with their hands) and place them back in the basket. Once all the leaves are collected you repeat the game. It didn’t take long for them to fully take over the tossing of the leaves. The boys were in love with this game especially Bear (27m) and he played it for a very long time. In fact we have kept the leaves out in our toy rotation and he loves tossing and collecting them over and over. I am sure this game will be a top request for a while.

Wait. What?!?

First, your kid isn’t 27 months. He’s two years old. Just say that. He’s two. Don’t make me divide by 12!

Second, why are you teaching them to make a mess so they can clean it up? It’s been my experience that children need no help in the mess-making department. But getting them to clean up is like getting them to willing pull out their own finger nails.

Third, unless you’re Mary Poppins, you are NEVER going to trick kids into cleaning as a super fun game.

Fourth, really? Really. You really want me to believe your two boy children sat and listened to you sing and read poems…about leaves? No they didn’t. They hit each other with the plastic rake that is obviously better suited to be a sword. They shoved plastic leaves in each other’s ears. They threw major fits over whose turn it is to use the rake because you have ONE rake for TWO children. Can you not count?

Fifth, we have three huge oak trees at our house. The battle against the leaves is ongoing. Do you know what an enormous pain it is to rake all of those? Well, me neither, but my husband complains about it, so I think it’s pretty awful. There’s no way to look at this as any kind of “fun.”

After I got over the initial shock of this very peculiar “game,” I started looking at the photos more carefully. That’s when I realized no one, not even the writer of this blog, is participating in this ridiculousness.

These are fake children! And a fake house!

Who can tell me what's wrong with these photos?

Who can tell me what’s wrong with these photos?

Still not sure?

Still not sure?

Hint: what's missing? Beside any connection to reality.

Hint: what’s missing? Beside any connection to reality.

There are exactly ZERO stains on that carpet, which is entirely too light to be practical. Where are the 847 brightly colored, plastic toys that were made in china. There is not a single Lego for a barefoot parent to step on. No one with carpet that nice is going to let a child rake Dollar Store plastic across it.

People of Pinterest, pull yourselves together. Stop this insanity. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

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2 thoughts on “Fake Children, Fake Games, Real Crazy

  1. Here’s the part that confuses me: Take the kid and their rake outside and let them rake actual leaves. I’m getting Etta and Claire some little rakes and brooms and shovels, and they will be outside toys. Raking fake leaves makes no sense when our yard has a supply of the real thing. But, I have freak kids who for the moment do think cleaning is fun. A squirt bottle of water and a towel provide at least 30 minutes of entertainment.

  2. I’m over here laughing through this entire post. Those kids might like to rake fake leaves, but give them a real rake, and they will turn into whiny, bitchy “I don’t want to kids” <– like mine.. my REAL kids 😉

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