Eight of the Worst Christmas Ideas Ever

By: Nerds Raging

By: Nerds Raging

There’s no point in even pretending. I’m Theoden in this graphic. Every year, Christmas seems to come earlier and bring with it more absurd friends.

It’s like a crazy cousin you don’t really like that much, but your grandmother makes you invite him to the holidays anyway. So he shows up with a slightly different, but increasing less desirable woman each year. Because what you really want is a processed, yet unrefined floozy smacking her gum at your table.

And so it is with a deep sigh of resignation that I bring you this year’s contestants for worst Christmas idea. Ever. (Obviously my Oriental Trading Company  annual “Fun & Faith” catalogue arrived this week.)

Nativity Masks. Just what you need for your Christmas pageant! Nativity Masks make it easy to get into character when telling the story of the birth of Jesus. Masks depict a sheep, camel, cow, donkey, shepherds, three wise men, an angel, Mary and Joseph.

Nativity Masks. Just what you need for your Christmas pageant! Nativity Masks make it easy to get into character when telling the story of the birth of Jesus. Masks depict a sheep, camel, cow, donkey, shepherds, three wise men, an angel, Mary and Joseph.

It would seem the curators of this “Made in China” debacle have confused Christmas with Halloween. Because these masks are possibly the creepiest things I’ve ever seen. Kids will stay awake all night on Christmas Eve, not because they’re excited about Santa’s deliveries, but because they’re afraid of being murdered in their sleep.

Nativity Playing Cards. Play a game or two! Each deck is packed in a plastic container.

Nativity Playing Cards. Play a game or two! Each deck is packed in a plastic container.

Yes, let’s play a game or two. Perhaps we could even wager on these games. There’s no problem with that, is there? And see how clever they’ve made these cards, Jesus is the King.

Keep Jesus at the heart of Christmas with this plush ornament. Looking for a faithful gift for your Sunday school class or youth group? These Plush Baby Jesus Ornaments make a powerful statement with an adorable look. Each 4" x 3 3/4" heart holds a removable 4" baby Jesus.

Keep Jesus at the heart of Christmas with this plush ornament. Looking for a faithful gift for your Sunday school class or youth group? These Plush Baby Jesus Ornaments make a powerful statement with an adorable look. Each 4″ x 3 3/4″ heart holds a removable 4″ baby Jesus.

These plush Baby Jesus ornaments do make a powerful statement. They scream, “I have incredibly bad taste!” I think my favorite part is that baby Jesus is removable. So sometimes He’s the heart of Christmas, sometimes not. If you have a cat, then you can count on plush baby Jesus being batted around the house for most of December.

“Happy Birthday Jesus” Beach Balls. A fun and inflatable stocking stuffer! Featuring a cute Nativity scene and the phrase “Happy Birthday Jesus”, these vinyl pool toys make festive door prizes for a church or Sunday School Christmas carnival.

“Happy Birthday Jesus” Beach Balls. A fun and inflatable stocking stuffer! Featuring a cute Nativity scene and the phrase “Happy Birthday Jesus”, these vinyl pool toys make festive door prizes for a church or Sunday School Christmas carnival.

A fun AND inflatable stocking stuffer. See there, you don’t have to choose between the two. You can have it all with this gift. And who doesn’t need a pool toy in the dead middle of winter?

A Christmas decoration and a faith-based Christmas treat in one! These “Journey To Jesus” Mini Bean Bags With Suckers are a fun faith-based treat for kids. They make cute church giveaways at Christmas or gifts for Sunday school classmates. Wherever your journey takes you this Christmas, store these on hand to have as the perfect gift. Each 4 1/2" toy comes with a 1 1/4" Star of Bethlehem sucker on a 4 1/2" plastic stick

A Christmas decoration and a faith-based Christmas treat in one! These “Journey To Jesus” Mini Bean Bags With Suckers are a fun faith-based treat for kids. They make cute church giveaways at Christmas or gifts for Sunday school classmates. Wherever your journey takes you this Christmas, store these on hand to have as the perfect gift. Each 4 1/2″ toy comes with a 1 1/4″ Star of Bethlehem sucker on a 4 1/2″ plastic stick

Can you really call the leftovers from the farm-themed party “faith-based treats”? I’m all for recycling, but really? And let’s think for a minute about eating the Star of Bethlehem. That’s counterproductive. How are the Magi going to know where to go? And since they’re only ones bringing baby gifts, these fellas are important. It’s not like they were registered at Babies R Us.

Set up this Nativity, as fast as you can! Includes an angel, three wise men, infant, parents and stable.

Set up this Nativity, as fast as you can! Includes an angel, three wise men, infant, parents and stable.

Oh, you clever copy writers at OTC! You’ve done it again. I will set up this nativity just as fast as I can determine what dry, spiced cookies have to do with the Christ child. Anyone? Anyone? No? Well, let’s keep thinking on that one.

They may be small, but even for them there’s "gnome" room at the inn. This fun and fantastical depiction of the iconic religious scene is not to be missed. Our Gnome Nativity set includes an angel, three wise men, Joseph, Mary and baby Jesus who even comes in a delightful mushroom manger. Use this Christmas decoration for your home or give it as a whimsical Christmas gift.

They may be small, but even for them there’s “gnome” room at the inn. This fun and fantastical depiction of the iconic religious scene is not to be missed. Our Gnome Nativity set includes an angel, three wise men, Joseph, Mary and baby Jesus who even comes in a delightful mushroom manger. Use this Christmas decoration for your home or give it as a whimsical Christmas gift.

“Gnome room at the inn.” Was someone experimenting with some delightful mushrooms before writing ad copy? This is one of those puns that’s going to take some time to shake off. OTC claims this is exclusive to their company. I think in this case we can assume “exclusive” means no one else wanted a piece of this action.

Santa & Baby Jesus Ornament. Celebrate all the reasons for the season with this adorable resin ornament as Old Saint Nick lovingly holds Baby Jesus.

Santa & Baby Jesus Ornament. Celebrate all the reasons for the season with this adorable resin ornament as Old Saint Nick lovingly holds Baby Jesus.

Celebrate ALL the reasons for the season? I can’t even…

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Eight of the Worst Christmas Ideas Ever

  1. Okay, you have to know that I am a total “Ebeneezer Scrooge” about all of the holiday “ho-hah.” I do not shop, I do not party, I don’t get festive and for Christmas presents I make donations to Charities because no one in my family REALLY needs anything. Can you sense the “but” that is coming? I do love Christmas music and often get choked up and misty when I hear it so my mother thinks that someday I will find some sort of Christmas redemption.

    Now, I agree with your lovely comments and appraisals of all but two of the items in you post. I just LOVED the “Gnome at the Inn.” I have this thing for Gnomes anyway and I think that is a precious set although it would look better if it was made in the USA. The same for the ornie of Santa holding Baby Jesus. I think it is precious.I have never seen the NORAD Santa make a stop in Bethlehem but anything is possible right…I have a whimsical imagination. Okay, it is probably my heretic heart that finds some element of cuteness there but I like it but really…those Nativity Masks must have been created in the imagination of Stephen King.

    Thanks for sharing Kerri!

    Cheers,

    Ardee-ann

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s