Things I really didn’t want to know

I know about Star Wars

#12 I know minute trivia about Star Wars. For instance, this is a clone trooper, NOT a storm trooper.

When I was a kid, and even through most of my 20s, I wanted to know everything. It’s probably the biggest reason I went to journalism school and became a reporter: I wanted to know stuff. Lots of stuff. Interesting stuff. Weird stuff. Any kind of stuff.

What I know now more than anything is that I know a lot of stuff I didn’t really want to know. I’m going to be 38 next week (I’m almost sure. I keep losing track of my age.) So here’s 38 things I didn’t really want to know:

  1. I know a freakish amount about allergy medication. You got snot? Tell me the symptoms, and I can tell you the concoction of over-the-counter drugs you need to get better.
  2. I know how many days I can go without washing my hair before I look like a homeless person.
  3. I know all the words to the Ninjago theme song.
  4. I know why you shouldn’t let the pedicurist use a razor on your heels. So.much.blood.
  5. I know what 8 funerals in one year feels like.
  6. I know almost every line of Cars and Cars 2.
  7. I know how antibiotics work and how they’re classified.
  8. I know what it feels like to be scared when your friend has a bad doctor visit.
  9. I’m pretty sure I know every color of baby poop.
  10. I know what the scale will say in the morning based on what I ate for dinner.
  11. I know how to fight a health insurance company. And win.
  12. I know minute trivia about Star Wars.
  13. I know what my husband’s voice sounds like when I call for him to come get me because I ran out of gas.
  14. I know what my husband’s face looks like when I tell him I ran into something with the car. Again.
  15. I know the procedure to visit someone in prison.
  16. I know how edit Beta video tape.
  17. I know a litter of puppies has to be bottle fed every three hours if the mama dog can’t nurse them.
  18. I know what it’s like to be dumped by a friend.
  19. I know how to make a bed with perfect hospital corners.
  20. I know when a front is coming through based on how my head feels.
  21. I know what models of Singer sewing machines for which they no longer sell power cords.
  22. I know how much arthritis medication costs…for a dog.
  23. I know how many times you can ask a person their name before you have to just start getting in their line of sight to talk because you can’t remember, and it’s rude to ask again.
  24. I know what it feels like to fall down for no apparent reason in front of people.
  25. I know what it’s like to be fired from a job.
  26. I know what I look like as a blonde, brunette and redhead.
  27. I know how to start a fight.
  28. I know what it’s like to be alone in a crowd.
  29. I know long it takes to rebuild a house after a tree falls on it.
  30. I know how bad I look without eye liner based on how shocked people are when I wear it.
  31. I know why I should not be left alone with a mob of children. Or at least unmedicated.
  32. I know it doesn’t matter how many times I tell him, my kid is never going to remember to put on socks.
  33. I know what it takes to get kicked out of dog obedience school.
  34. I know how to build a really hot fire at 5 a.m. in a house without central heat and air.
  35. I know how to counsel friends through a miscarriage.
  36. I know what my hair looks like hot rolled and hair sprayed.
  37. I know what it’s like to give up on a dream.
  38. I know how to keep a secret.
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4 thoughts on “Things I really didn’t want to know

  1. I’m with wtlsgirl …you’re worried about turning 38 ? Really ? I’m turning 60 next March ..and I know so many more things now than I did when I was 38 …I still have the Ninja Turtle candles from my middle son’s 8th birthday cake in a cup in my spice pantry and he’s 29 and a Marine

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